18. mapping out change

it's snowing.

like, srsly you guys. it's snowing in new york. a. lot.

which makes me happy. i love the snow. i almost typed "i love the rain" which isn't true. well, it's half true. i like the rain when i'm inside. i don't like the rain when i'm in the upper west side. because it somehow always manages to rain when i'm visiting the 70's. srsly. ask rob. we frequent a movie theater in the uws and i swear it's always raining when we finish our film. and we always forget to bring an umbrella. it sucks.

but it's snowing right now, and i know most of new york is complaining about having to trudge through the wintry mix, but i love it. because we barely had this sort of precipitation in north carolina when i was growing up. so i'm making up for lost time.

ps, i'd like to let you all know that i've written the short phrase "wintry mix" in homage to colin meloy of the decemberists. he made those two words into a bit that he touched upon a few times tonight during his concert stage banter. rob surprised me with two tickets to their concert tonight at the beacon theatre (which is located, where else but on the upper west side) and it was incredible. good music is necessary for the soul. and a gentleman appreciates good music.

but i digress. i should probably fess up and mention (again, i'm afraid) that i've been a complete failure lately. i know the last thing i wrote was that i needed to get motivated and stop being lazy. well, guess what? the last few days i've done nothing but sleep until at least 4 pm.

i knooooow. part of me is disappointed, too. but i just can't help myself. i really like to sleep.

i've discovered that it's really hard for me to just jump out of bed when i have nothing to do. i've never been one of those get up, have breakfast, read the morning paper kind of guys. my m.o. has been to sleep until i have to get up. and once i'm up, i get ready and then i'm on the road. but lately, i've had absolutely nothing to get up for. i've managed to be a little more proactive during my days, but i won't lie to you, i've been pretty pathetic. so how do i break this cycle?

how do we break these cycles that have been lifetimes in the making? these habits feel like they're so ingrained in me that i'd go so far as to say they define me. this isn't just a habit, anymore, it's my way of life.

but that's what's sneaky about bad habits. they get so wrapped up in our working coils that we can't imagine operating in any other way. i don't know what it's like to be that morning person everyone talks about. so i can't embrace it. but if i'm going to make any real progress, i know i'm going to have to suck it up and start making some changes.

oh change. oh, changggeeee! why can't it be easier to alter the fabric of our lives? to change the threads that make up the essence of our very beings?!

but changing my tone from self-pity to general excitement, i think i've figured out how i'm going to change. it involves really mapping out the rest of this year! january is almost over, and i clearly haven't gotten very far in my journey. mostly because i've been wandering around aimlessly and spending far too much time thinking about what it is i'm going to do instead of just doing something. so it's time i finally steer myself towards a real destination. so with eleven months ahead of me, i'm going to tackle eleven different topics. eleven aspects of being a gentleman that, when complete, will have transformed me into the man i want to be. each month gets its own headliner. each month will have some sort of project attached to it that, upon completion, will have me that much further towards my goal.

i'm excited.

tomorrow i'm going to create some sort of kick ass graphic aid that shows you exactly what makes up this mythical gentleman i hope to become. and then i'll pick where to start. maybe i'll just spin the wheel and see where it lands. or, maybe this is better, i'll try to plan out my month to month path according to certain milestones i have penciled in my ical (like my wedding in october).

yea, i feel like i'm finally making waves here.

*wipes sweat from my brow*

maybe i'm finally getting somewhere?