23. change of direction

i stumbled upon this quote today while i was on the Q train. it was on an advertisement for something (i can't remember now what it was). even though i don't know what the product was, the quote managed to stick with me. it sort of reached off the train wall and slapped me hard in the face.

"if you do not change direction you may end up where you are heading." - lao tzu

i felt like the universe was trying to talk to me. directly to me. i mean, truer words have not been spoken. because this is exactly why i'm on this journey this year. when i decided to start this project, i felt like i was heading in the wrong direction. i felt like i needed to stop what i was doing and u-turn my life around. because who knows where i was going to end up.

but now i'm starting to feel really good about where i'm headed. and i know i still need to adjust the directions a little bit, but i'm starting to head to a good place. i really feel it.

i know i said i was going to spend february working on becoming a man of routine, but fate has decided i needed to focus on something else. and since fate and i have always been great friends, i've decided to take her advice. so i think i'll work on defining my daily routine next month. because this month is being devoted to socialization.

now, i know i've written a lot of stuff over the last few weeks. and i know i've thrown out words like anxiety and misanthropy in my last few posts. and those are definitely things that i deal with. but i need to say that above and beyond anything else, i do like being social. i do like seeing my friends. and i do like going out. it just takes some effort.

but this month, i've had a really busy social calendar. and it's been nice. i haven't really felt any anxiety. i feel like i've been charming and entertaining. i feel like i've been good at following the rules of introducing people. so far, it's been a good month. so i'm going to keep working on it. but that's what i've been inadvertently focusing on.

it's a change of direction from my original plan, but i'll take it. because i've learned that the universe usually knows what i need better than i do.